Bonus Night

Today I'm feeling a little miserable and a little lost, not a great way to start this post, it could become a bit dark so be warned.

I'd like to firstly state that I am so fed up of being constantly nice and decent to women and for them to not give a flying fuck. Seriously, a reply would be nice wouldn't it? How hard is that?

Since we last spoke, I have had Instagram walk back into my life. Remember, she went a bit quiet a couple of weeks ago? Of course you remember. Anyway, she turned up again on Valentines Day moaning about being lonely and without a date. Now being the gentleman that I am, I had originally offered to spend Valentines with me but she rejected it so by rights, I shouldn't speak to this girl again but that gets you nowhere. We talk about this and that like you do and after time, she offers to come and see me. Obviously I accept.

She came to mine where we drank wine, watched movies, cuddled and yes, we had sex. It was better than before, it felt more personal and enjoyable, it was like we actually both were fully into it which is always a bonus. I seem to have a lot of sex where I'm not really fussed and most the time I don't even finish.

The next day is much the same, cuddling, movies, food, talking about everything and anything. She leaves early evening to pick up stuff from her ex, she rings me afterwards saying what a bastard he is and I'm not going to lie, it makes me feel a little loved that she rung me to discuss it. However, there was one thing that pissed me off about her visit - she was constantly on her phone which I find so rude. If for any reason ever you can't get hold of me, it's because I'm with a female on a date or whatever, I want to give the woman my full attention not be "Hold on a minute to what you're saying, I'm just going to scroll through Instagram for five minutes and have a in depth discussion with my best friend!" Really got on my nerves about her, if I had my way, I would've hid her phone until she left.

Now, maybe this is karma, over the current weekend, we've barely spoke. This happened before but unlike before, I haven't asked what's up with her - yet. We've barely spoke since Thursday, I know she's been out and she's been working but that didn't stop her messaging me before. Something is obviously up with her, the most likely scenario is that she's not keen on me anymore because of something or other? Or she might generally go like this every couple of weeks? Now what do I do? Do I ask if she's OK? Do I wait for her to contact me? I know her being quiet is contributing to my negative mood today, I just wish people were honest and didn't play games, there is really no need to is there? I mean, if she doesn't want to see each other anymore, she just has to say, I'm a reasonable man, I can take rejection on this scale, I'd have much more respect for her. I'm sure every time I get fobbed off by a woman, they just stop replying and ignore me, it's not on. I think all women do it. Women are manipulative and will do anything to get what they want out of someone, I fucking hate them. I'd say safely that 90% of my bad moods, downfalls and failures in my life are down to some woman. Whether it's chasing someone clearly out of my league, it's being dumped, being lead on, whatever, behind every broken man is some fucking bitch who screwed them over. It's not what I need in my life. I don't need these negative, paranoid feelings which drive me insane. If she has a problem with me, it's only fair she tells me what that is. She won't though, she'll just pretend to be oblivious to how I'm feeling but of course, she knows and she's probably loving every second. Bitch.

One Night Only

OK enough of the French titles, not like you lot understand them anyway is it? Sorry I've been quiet for a few weeks, I've had a lot of work on, professionally and personally but being a lucky man, I managed to escape work early today, get a few bits done and here I am, writing to you.
So big news - I got laid! Congratulations to me, I am rather proud of myself for this. Want to hear the story? Well, I'm going to tell you.
Drunk night out a couple of Saturdays ago, I get home, drink a pint of water, roll around in bed, intoxicated with a heavy head while playing on my phone, going through Instagram liking a particular girls pictures where out of nowhere, she sends me a message on FB being sarcastic. "Stop creeping on my pictures please." I didn't know what to reply but before the silence killed me she started up a conversation. We talked for an hour or so and in the end, I decided to give her my number. 
We talk all the next day, and the next day and so on. She's totally my type, long dark hair, legs that go on for miles, busty, big dark eyes and a face that I could kiss all day. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend of three years, he left her because he was fed up with the relationship, sad really, he doesn't know what he's missing, she seems pretty spot on from where I stand. She obviously seems lonely at present and I tell her about my current situation basically being that I need a good night, I offer to go up to where she lives, get a hotel and we go for a night out and she agrees. Normally when I suggest this, the girl will say yes and nothing will come of it. I decide not to sort the hotel out until the day comes, I don't want to jinx it or end up looking like an idiot. The day comes and she's game so I sort us out the hotel and after work, make my way there. I get ready in the hotel and meet her there. She looks as gorgeous as she does online, that's the best start.
We grabbed some food and went for drinks. We talked about everything and anything, movies we liked, bands we listened to, mutual friends, her ex, why I'm single. It goes really well, like a perfect first date, I hadn't been on a date since that tart off the television and I was a little nervous at first but it all ticks over nicely. We return to the hotel at a reasonable hour where we talk more, flirt, kiss and of course, we fuck. Seeing as she had recently become single and for all I know I could've been her first since, I gave her a lot of attention. She made the most incredible noises as I flicked my tongue against her clit and when I was inside her, she looked so gorgeous, her face twisting in pleasure, I love it when a girl fully lets herself go in bed. Afterwards we stay up for a while, spooning, being silly and flirting until I fall asleep on her.
The next morning was comfortable, we went for breakfast, had a walk around town, did a bit of shopping, got coffee and also popped into the museum which was a nice touch before leaving her in the middle of the afternoon. To be honest I felt a little sad leaving her. I had a great night and day with her, she made me laugh and I had fun with her but also I knew that our current situations meant it probably wouldn't even lead to anything else, probably wouldn't even see her on that level ever again.
Since this date our talking constantly has quietened right down. I've been thinking about it and I can't have anything serious, she met up with ex on Monday and she also told me she still has feelings for him which I suppose is totally understandable. I text her Sunday evening saying that she shouldn't worry about how I'm feeling. I said I liked her and I had a great time with her but I wasn't going to force anything upon her and she was very mature about the whole thing which was a relief, I didn't want her to hate me or for myself to get in too deep and then get cut up about it when it inevitably blows up. For this I totally respect her and I want her to be happy whatever she decides to do with herself. I have the feeling she might get back with her ex, they're better suited for one thing, obviously I lose out again but will it hinder my life? No, you know why? I'm not going to let it, I already have another girl who I'm interested in.