Friday, 30 November 2012

La première fille.

My love life has been one hell of a roller coaster. I seem to shock and amaze most people I ever speak to on the subject. I'm disgusting, amazing, vile, a legend and a bastard all rolled into one. I've been screwed over many times, I've screwed over people. I've broken hearts but more importantly, I've had mine broken, I've been destroyed and publicly humiliated by women. A lot of this blog I will share a few of these, well, most of these.
I didn't get girls at school. I was bothered of course, I wanted to be one of these people at school who was shagging everyone at thirteen but I wasn't. I wasn't one of the 'in crowd,' at all. I moved here when I was fourteen and becoming the new kid at school at that age is shit. It's OK when you're eight, you're the new kid, everyone wants to be your friend, at fourteen, everyone has their group of friends and no-one gives a shit who you are or what far away land you come from.
I lost my virginity at sixteen which I suppose is the right age. It was with a girl in my form, I didn't really fancy her but I wanted it done, out the way. I wanted to say I had lost my virginity to people when they asked if I had ever had sex. At least after this night I could say "Yes I have, three times in a night (I was destined to rival Hugh Hefner or Neil Strauss at this point) in a tent, fuelled by four cheap beers and two poorly rolled spliffs shared with the lucky girl of the night." and I did say that, in a more cocky way, probably making out that the lucky girl was a beautiful brunette with a beautiful figure who couldn't wait to rip my clothes off. Losing my virginity was awful. It was awkward and not very enjoyable because neither of us had a clue what we were doing, I hadn't really seen pornography, me and my siblings had never discussed it, my parents never said much on the subject and school barely taught you the importance of a condom. I didn't have sex for another nine months, not because I didn't try but because I had no clue how I managed it in the first place and I had to start from stage one all over again. I thought at this age that sex was something you did with someone that you truly loved. Also at this age, I was convinced that I would meet a woman who I'd fall head over heels in love with and be with them forever, be a Prince Charming to them. I thought the one night stand full of wild sex in the tent was something of a rare occurrence. I haven't had much sex in a tent since but I've discovered that one night stands are more common than I first thought and would become a regular occurrence in my life.
Since that night of fumbling in a tent, I have met many more women, I've fallen head over heels in love, I've been seduced when I least expected it, I've found some in the worst places imaginable, I've lied, I've gone behind friends back, I've had more than one at a time, I've had scares, physical scars and I've been destroyed emotionally. Out of these women, some have been honoured with the title of 'My Girlfriend.' Now, this doesn't mean that this handful of women were the best that I have ever had the chance to talk to, far from it. They all had their flaws, they all drove me insane at times and we ultimately combusted. I suppose at the time, given the circumstances within our lives, it was worth a go. There were great times but I can't remember many, I was never very good at serious relationships as you will soon discover if you read this blog. Maybe as I'm older I'll be the perfect partner. Only time will tell....

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