Bonus Night

Today I'm feeling a little miserable and a little lost, not a great way to start this post, it could become a bit dark so be warned.

I'd like to firstly state that I am so fed up of being constantly nice and decent to women and for them to not give a flying fuck. Seriously, a reply would be nice wouldn't it? How hard is that?

Since we last spoke, I have had Instagram walk back into my life. Remember, she went a bit quiet a couple of weeks ago? Of course you remember. Anyway, she turned up again on Valentines Day moaning about being lonely and without a date. Now being the gentleman that I am, I had originally offered to spend Valentines with me but she rejected it so by rights, I shouldn't speak to this girl again but that gets you nowhere. We talk about this and that like you do and after time, she offers to come and see me. Obviously I accept.

She came to mine where we drank wine, watched movies, cuddled and yes, we had sex. It was better than before, it felt more personal and enjoyable, it was like we actually both were fully into it which is always a bonus. I seem to have a lot of sex where I'm not really fussed and most the time I don't even finish.

The next day is much the same, cuddling, movies, food, talking about everything and anything. She leaves early evening to pick up stuff from her ex, she rings me afterwards saying what a bastard he is and I'm not going to lie, it makes me feel a little loved that she rung me to discuss it. However, there was one thing that pissed me off about her visit - she was constantly on her phone which I find so rude. If for any reason ever you can't get hold of me, it's because I'm with a female on a date or whatever, I want to give the woman my full attention not be "Hold on a minute to what you're saying, I'm just going to scroll through Instagram for five minutes and have a in depth discussion with my best friend!" Really got on my nerves about her, if I had my way, I would've hid her phone until she left.

Now, maybe this is karma, over the current weekend, we've barely spoke. This happened before but unlike before, I haven't asked what's up with her - yet. We've barely spoke since Thursday, I know she's been out and she's been working but that didn't stop her messaging me before. Something is obviously up with her, the most likely scenario is that she's not keen on me anymore because of something or other? Or she might generally go like this every couple of weeks? Now what do I do? Do I ask if she's OK? Do I wait for her to contact me? I know her being quiet is contributing to my negative mood today, I just wish people were honest and didn't play games, there is really no need to is there? I mean, if she doesn't want to see each other anymore, she just has to say, I'm a reasonable man, I can take rejection on this scale, I'd have much more respect for her. I'm sure every time I get fobbed off by a woman, they just stop replying and ignore me, it's not on. I think all women do it. Women are manipulative and will do anything to get what they want out of someone, I fucking hate them. I'd say safely that 90% of my bad moods, downfalls and failures in my life are down to some woman. Whether it's chasing someone clearly out of my league, it's being dumped, being lead on, whatever, behind every broken man is some fucking bitch who screwed them over. It's not what I need in my life. I don't need these negative, paranoid feelings which drive me insane. If she has a problem with me, it's only fair she tells me what that is. She won't though, she'll just pretend to be oblivious to how I'm feeling but of course, she knows and she's probably loving every second. Bitch.

Le week-end

Ok so the weekend is nearly here which is good news for many folk, I hope you all have a good one. I'm particularly looking forward to mine because for the first time since July, I am going to have myself a party on Saturday, seriously, it's been too long! Last time I properly went out was beginning of September and that was a Friday night, nothing compared to a Saturday night out. I'm so content with the happenings in my life these days but sometimes I have this massive urge to get back into my old ways and have a proper party night, full of drinks and trying to pull women, nothing beats pulling a good looking piece of woman on a Saturday night, I really hope I do! My fuckbuddy situation has gone quiet (I'll post about that soon) and I'm a tad bored of that situation. There's some great people up for Saturday night which should make it a good one, remember, it's not where you are, it's the company you keep and these folk are total legends! I'm going to spend a lot of cash and get proper on it like a man in my position should do. I will obviously report on here about my night of debauchery and madness, hopefully it'll be like the old days, just have to wait and find out don't we?

L'amour sur l'Internet.

I'm a big fan of the internet. I really am, I use the internet for shopping, banking, news, sport and the prime use is staying in touch with friends through social media (avid Tweeter) and of course, making new ones. I've been from Faceparty to MySpace to Facebook and now to Twitter for which I'm a massive fan of, I explain it to people and they say "I don't get it." There's not much to get so here's a quick lesson - you post a tweet of your opinion on anything, news, sport, chickens, Ben Stiller, whatever you like and people that follow you read it. They can retweet this onto their timeline so their followers read it. You can follow people which tweet the things which matter to you so you can keep up to date with friends, family, celebrities and the news, what's not to get? Simple eh? I also use Instagram and POF, the worst dating site in the world but it's free, so I can't be too pissed off with it.
Over the years the internet has helped me find women, hats off to Twitter to finding La fille celebre and giving me that bizarre experience, thanks to POF for meeting some genuinely nice people (and a total tosspiece, she'll get her own post soon) and the others have also done their bit. Some of these women have stayed in my life and I still talk to today, some were just one night and that was it but is it a sound way of meeting women? I speak to the girls at work about my love life, they're all married or all in serious relationships and they think it's a bit odd that I find women to date online through Twitter, POF etc and in some ways, they're right to think that. I haven't met that person in real life, they could be lying couldn't they? About their appearance, their employment, their home, their state of mind, anything and everything. Mostly though, people don't because there is no point. The great thing about the internet is that people can find whatever they want, there really is something for everything, whatever excites you and gives you thrills in life can be found online in a person. People don't have the face to face judgement when it comes to the internet. People are also more open to share their feelings, I wouldn't stand up on a podium in front of thousands of people and read these posts out but I'm more than comfortable to sit here, write them and hope people find them.
I follow a lot of women on Twitter and Instagram, most of them I don't know and I will never know in the real world. Most of the time I follow them because A) They're fit B) They post naked pictures of themselves or C) They're actually interesting to follow and talk to. It's normally the women that are interesting which stick in your mind and that you enjoy following on Instagram or Twitter, The A women are 50/50, B are normally idiots and 99% of them get unfollowed in a week. The C women in my eyes are better than the women I already know in my life, I'm sure I see nothing but low quality women in the towns down my neck of the woods and it's a total drag. People are always saying to me I need to meet a nice woman, but where exactly am I going to meet them? I'm not the most gorgeous man so when I find a wonderful woman, I have to grab the chance with both hands but around here, it seems like they're all taken or they've done the clever thing and got out of here which leaves me with a load of women I wouldn't go anywhere near let alone settle with. Twitter and Instagram gives me the opportunity to talk to women that I find attractive and interesting to talk to about all manners of subjects. It makes being single a much easier experience, at least I know further out of this neck of the woods, there is hope and I could end up with a total stunner. 
There are three women on Twitter who I'd seriously chew my own nose off to have a chance with and I think that they're all totally attainable given if the circumstances were different, this being I lived anywhere fucking near them. I see these women pop up on my timelines daily so naturally I catch myself thinking about them, what their mannerisms are like in real life, what we would be like together, what they sound like when they muttered words softly from their perfectly formed lips, what they looked liked in my arms post sex, when they were happy with their day, when they were sad because something hadn't gone their way and the look at when I made them happy. I have no idea if these women know that I think about them often and that I totally fancy the pants off them, I'm not sure if they'd like it if they knew that I felt this way about them but I'd like to think they'd be flattered. When people online say nice things about me, it makes me feel loved, just like it would do in the real world, I suppose I see the real and online worlds as one, just wish I could make the online world physical sometimes so I had more choice of women because I feel like there is a better choice for me there. I have more confidence in talking to attractive women online then I do in a club, bar, pub (being drunk helps talking to any female) or wherever else you meet women and I'm sure I'm not the only one, I presume most people have done it who are avid social network users, over half a billion people have Facebook which means a few of them must have felt like I do and how many would a few be out of half a billion people? A million? A hundred million? So now does it sound odd finding people online attractive and wanting to date someone you've never physically met?

Mon choix.

I hope you're all enjoying the blog, I'm enjoying writing it. I think I'm going to keep it exclusively to dating, women, sex and all things related, much more fun isn't it?

Today I finally have a day off from my constant cycle of work and study which is a relief, I normally go running in the morning but not today, I wanted to sleep in. I did some studying this morning but the afternoon would be dedicated away from that. So what do I do? I'll blog, that's what I do. Expect a few posts.

Earlier I was thinking about women, OK, I'm lying; I'm always thinking about women. It's not my fault and I don't think you can judge me, I'm being honest. I think about having sex on a very regular basis, I also think about meeting women, spending time with them, making them smile, disappointing them, arousing them, everything, all emotions thrown in there. I presume it isn't only me which makes up future scenarios in their head right? The one's where your realistic dreams are realised and that life toddles along perfectly, they're great, it's those kind of thoughts which really get you through a long day at work. There's always a dream woman in them, the one that finally calms me down and doesn't make my mind wander off thinking about other women, wishing that I could fuck them etc. I don't want to feel like that, I don't want a mix between the two, I either want to have the casual dating life where my mind can wander wherever it wants without having any guilt or to find that woman in the daydreams which is 100% my focus, my love, my lust and my happiness and no longer have wandering thoughts, that's unlikely, right?

Since The 'One' decided that leading me on was stupid and our messed up situation ended, I've only met two women who I would want to be my 100% focus. One of course was La fille celebre who as we know was never going to happen. Looking back on it, I think it would've been an awful relationship to have, one where I would've had to give everything without getting anything back. A lot of beautiful, stuck up women are like that, there seems to be this idea these days that women are quite happy to be a bimbo, bitchy wife-type who sits around waiting for a rich man to come in their life. Honestly, if I was loaded or not, I wouldn't want some silly tart spending the money I had earned on some overpriced items of her choice, I'd want a woman with a career and goals, or at least a full time role where she was happy with what she was doing, I wouldn't expect a woman to buy me everything I desired. Men and women are equal now, it's not the 50's anymore, women have every entitlement that men have in today's society, so bloody make the most of it, don't be a lazy, nagging, money grabbing bitch, probably half the reason men in these type of marriages have affairs, the men who settle down with these kind of women are idiots, just because they look like a television whore, it doesn't mean they are one, not that I'm saying television whores are great role models or anything, I mean, look at Tulisa, would you marry someone of that calibre? Didn't think so.

The only other woman on this list is not exactly the most gorgeous woman I've ever dated (she is sexy of course and she looks amazing naked) but she has her life sorted, she is settled with a home and a car, she's of a perfect age compared to mine, we have a lot in common but the best thing is that she makes me laugh, I love a woman who makes me laugh. Note to women - there's no point being a stuck up miserable bitch who's afraid of not looking 100% all the time and thinking they're God's gift because men think you're an idiot, men like a laugh, we enjoy women being stupid with us, mucking around and generally being a good laugh. When we see each other, I always have a good time even though we never really do much, we'll cook, watch DVD's, catch up on our lives, tell stories about the weirdo's that we know. The bottom line is that when I'm with her, she makes me happier than anyone else I've seen since The 'One.' She's a fantastic girl and someone who I could have a proper, no hassle but exciting relationship with. 

If I wanted to have to have a relationship with anyone, then this woman is that person but do I want a relationship with anyone? That's the first hurdle, I don't know if the Pro's are worth the Con's. It's nice seeing her every so often, having a fun, cosy evening, a good spooning and a good night of sex but I have a lot to happen soon, I want to escape here as soon as I'm able to. This will get in the way until I've escaped, unless I don't escape and stay here but then what if we got together, broke up in two years then I become delirious, crushed and I resent her because I didn't escape here and follow the big dream? Secondly I don't even know how she feels about me, we've had sex, we've flirted, we've had good times but maybe she's like that with everyone and I just take things like that a bit too seriously, it's hard isn't it? I wouldn't want to put myself on the line and then be shot down, I don't take to rejection well, I'd feel as if there's something personally wrong with me, for example, The 'One' making me question my masculinity, that killed me inside, she made me feel that I couldn't make any woman happy and content with me. Yeah, I'm still not over that one and I don't think I will be until I find that woman which I adore and is content with me and what I do for her.

I think it's best if I stay single and in the casual dating frame of mind for now, until the escaping situation is sorted, that's the main goal and I have to keep going for it because at the end of the day, women don't help me study and they certainly don't help me earn money.