All Gone To Plan.

So it's a day off with very little excitement, just getting on with the usual routine, I may see a friend this evening, all depends really. That's not what I'm blogging about though, you've guessed it, it's female related, of course it is. I've had a young lady from the past turn up in the last few weeks which is appreciated, for once. It's our friend who I'd take as a girlfriend, well, I would've done at the time I first told you about her, however, things have changed since. We had our Christmas fall out where I decided that she was a total whore and not to be trusted due to her bailing on me then lying about why.
After that day, I took her off everything, I didn't want to speak to her anymore, didn't want to see which one of the people I know she was flirting with. I forgot all about her, I just got on with my life, working and the such. It was easy, nothing stressful, no laying awake at night, thinking about what would've happened if we had got together, none of that 'the one that got away' bollocks, my memories of her were instead tucked away in a corner of my mind which is used for these scenarios.
A few months pass and I get a text message from her, letting me know of an event in the local area which I'd be interested in. Now, I'll give it to her, she started the message with "I hope you're over what you had against me but I thought you'd like this." I replied, being the soppy wanker I am, we had a nice catch up but that was it, no more, then she followed me again on Twitter with a new account and the inevitable happened, the flirting soon followed and she invited me to spend a night with her at some jam night in a pub. The pubs in her neck of the woods don't exactly have a great reputation but I thought I might as well, I don't have a good reputation, might as well give it go plus my social life consists of talking to girls online and trying to get naked pictures of them (which has produced some gems recently, I'll make an art exhibition of them one day) so the chance to see a girl naked is worth giving a shot, advice - if you're offered sex off someone you even kind of fancy, take it, you don't know when the next fuck is coming.
The night was a pretty standard night at a jam night in a boozer, local pissheads trying to be your mate, being forced to have eight drinks when you can't be bothered, some dreadlocked 90's throwback grunge guitarist trying to be the next big thing and a low percentage of women, however there were a couple of lookers in there (of course I look at other women when in the company of someone I'm trying to fuck) so that was a plus.
I stayed at hers after a walk home which included a debate whether to get a taxi to her house even though it was an ten minute walk and weighing up a kebab if we could find one that was open. We went straight to bed and yes, we fucked, exactly the result I wanted. This girl has recently got a boob job and has been at the gym a lot recently so her body is looking very lean and fuckable. During our drunken sex, I slipped and my hard cock went a little in her ass, she responded with "Wrong hole ____!" and then with that 'on the other hand' tone "you can fuck me there if you want?" Now, this is a dilemma for all men. Just to give ladies the heads up, men love anal, well, at least 90% do. It's something which a lot of girls find taboo (every girl should try it, The One was curious and it turned into her favourite) so finding a girl who loves anal is a major turn on never mind getting it handed on a plate so easily with someone you think is pretty fit so of course, I fucked her in the ass, she wanted it harder, I went harder, one point she was pretty much on the floor with her ass in the air. Unfortunately, being drunk means one thing for me - it takes me a life time to orgasm. Getting hard isn't the problem, it's taking forever to cum, I even get bored of fucking after a while, if you don't feel like you're climaxing at any point, then it's not going to be good sex. After a while, she asked if I was close to cumming which I replied in my honest manner "I'm never going to, let's spoon." That's exactly what happened, we stopped and we spooned. My cock was still hard but there was no way that I was going to have an orgasm, it was nice though to fuck someone I fancy, she kissed me and said she loved me fucking her, and in her ass, always nice to hear.
We parted the next morning and since, well, we've barely spoken. we've text each other saying thanks for the night but that's it, how rude are we eh? Probably for the best, I'll hear from her at some point no doubt and I'll be happy to spend the evening with her again. I suppose this encounter has been a success, right? I'd say so, we had a laugh, no-one has got hurt, we both got drunk and laid, cheeky bit of anal, no love lost, someone to spoon and no cum on her bed sheets - perfect as a planned one night stand can be really.

I'm off to get a steak.

2012

So the year is nearly over, sad really, it's been pretty enjoyable. All my goals I set myself have been achieved and I'm on course for next year too. This blog isn't about that though, this blog is about sex, love, lust etc etc etc. Shall we have the summary?
Well of course there was the famous tart off the television with her deceiving ways, basically a lying bitch who was so fame hungry, not really relationship material. My friend put it in great context when I was upset about her. He said "You got talking to her on twitter, she's one of the hottest ones, you met her, you fucked her, why are you complaining?" and that is exactly how I look back at it now, she was hot and out of my league on a social and physical basis yet I fucked her, all's well I suppose.
Then we had that girl who I would have as a girlfriend. We were meant to be seeing each other before Christmas, even got her a present but of course, she cancelled...twice. It's things like this is the reason why I don't trust women, seriously with all the cancellations I might as well not bother dating and it gets like that very often. I really liked this girl, she made me laugh and I was so comfortable with her, I could tell her anything but she obviously didn't feel the same about me. I text her on Boxing Day telling her how she made me feel, she gave me some pathetic response saying she was ill which can't have been that bad, she was out Friday and Saturday night. She's just another slut who needs to realise that good men don't come along too often.
So who else have we had? Oh yeah, the local 18 year old. Now, this girl, she'll need a name...errrrm Sex on the Beach? There we go, she's called that now. She's proper fit, stereotypically fit. She's a bit of a chav but seriously, one of the most gorgeous faces I've ever seen and a body to die for, very busty, nice. We were seeing each other over the summer, nice weather so we'd pretty much hang out down the beach, talking, sharing stories, kind of things you do. It was funny because I've known this girl for three years or so and she was a proper nightmare when she was younger, being 15 and turning up at parties wasted, her poor mum. She used to mix with some terrible people which she had ditched by the time we actually had a conversation (July 2012) and I discovered that she was actually a sweet, caring person with a good sense of humour which was such a pleasant surprise. Our dating cycle just fizzled out I suppose, she's unemployed so that limits many things that we can do, I suppose it was a bit of summer fun and we had a good time, there's certainly no hard feelings there and get still get on, I do think about meeting up with her again for a 'catch up' because she was fucking great at that, one of my top ten I'd safely say. I'll make that top ten blog another day.
Last but not least of course is my MILF. That's what she is, a MILF. She's 38 and has a 20 year old daughter. She's a redhead with fake breasts. That's all I'm saying. I met her out in my town one night and we fucked. We got talking a couple of months later and over the last two months, we've fucked every so often. She's good, there's no doubt about that. I'm not ageist or anything but seriously, older women know what they want. 18-21 year olds on a large scale don't have a fucking clue what to do in bed, that's why MILF appeals. Her main problem is that she sends some weird texts when she's drunk and obviously gets a bit emotional. I feel bad because she is a wonderful woman and she deserves to be loved by someone who will take care of her. I'm really not that man and I want to stop it. I did turn her down Christmas Day so I suppose I'm on course.
Right, they're the main women of 2012, the TV whore, the lying whore, the sweet 18 year who fucks like a porn star and the MILF who fucks like a porn star. There are others of course but I'll give you a short and sweet summary.
Gig girl - Met her at a gig, she was staying at the same hotel, we fucked a couple of times. She asked for my number which I replied with "Look, it's not like we're gonna see each other again but you can follow me on twitter if you like?" and she did.
Ex-colleague - Used to work with this woman, she moved away but ended up moving back as she broke up with her partner of six years. We met up through a mutual friend, all got a bit drunk and ended up having sex. She wanted me to stay and spoon her but I rejected and left. I told my boss about this and they said I was heartless. Okay, maybe I was a tad harsh but I'm selfish and I wanted to go home, I didn't want an awkward morning, I was this woman's boss!
Pub girl - Met this girl in our local, funny, never meet girls in there. I think she did the typical "Oh I love your glasses" which I get everywhere. We had a kiss and exchanged numbers. A week later we bumped into each other out, she came back to mine, we fucked and then she left, without a thank you or anything! What a tart, she totally used me! I wasn't that bothered, I was using her like I do with pretty much most women I fuck. Funny thing about this was I saw her a couple of times after, when I was running or in the pub and she'd ignore me. Then one night, out and about in town, I see her but ignore her. A few minutes later she texts me saying "Nice to be said hello to ;)" SERIOUSLY! This girl had ignored me every time I saw her and now she's having a go because I ignored her. Women eh? Anyway we did have a chat but that was the end of it. My friend told me her Dad is some psychotic ex-copper which would probably chase me around with a plank of wood with a nail in it. I've seen him, I can imagine him doing exactly that.
Berlin - Finally, there is Berlin. She is called this due to the fact she'd booked a weekend city break to Berlin. She was a lovely girl, a little older than me. Met her on POF, very sweet but also very regular. She seemed very interested in my love life and my history. I give off the impression that I'm bitter and not a fan of many people which is largely true, she seemed to love this. I went to visit, we had a nice evening, drank wine, talked (mainly me talking) and then she seduced me which was more fun than I thought it would be. She got upset with me because I led her on, I don't see how, I just flirted like I normally do but there we go, in her eyes I did and for that I apologised. I did say I didn't want anything more and I still don't, not with anyone. She needs someone sensible and reliable, she's that kind of woman, basically not my type.
Of course there's been others I have been texting etc which nothing has came about due to distance, effort or I've pissed them off, example @zoo woman who seems to have been hurt a lot, I think I want to save her, I think she's misunderstood and I want to help her, if she wants it of course, she's one of my three twitter crushes in fact, but don't tell her yeah? Then there's the usual people I've found on twitter which have made my days go by quicker in some way or another, thank you I suppose.
So there you have it, 2012 in women. I didn't think any of that would happen but it did and even though nothing came of any of them, I've enjoyed them all but I can't say I've learnt too much from them all I'm afraid. Hopefully next year it'll all be different, maybe I'll fall in love and have an adult relationship, maybe The One will turn up and I'll tell her to do one, maybe one of my twitter crushes will reveal her undying love for me and ask to run away with me to South Korea? Either way, I'm sure 2013 will be eventful regarding my love life and of course, I'll keep you posted.

L'amour sur l'Internet.

I'm a big fan of the internet. I really am, I use the internet for shopping, banking, news, sport and the prime use is staying in touch with friends through social media (avid Tweeter) and of course, making new ones. I've been from Faceparty to MySpace to Facebook and now to Twitter for which I'm a massive fan of, I explain it to people and they say "I don't get it." There's not much to get so here's a quick lesson - you post a tweet of your opinion on anything, news, sport, chickens, Ben Stiller, whatever you like and people that follow you read it. They can retweet this onto their timeline so their followers read it. You can follow people which tweet the things which matter to you so you can keep up to date with friends, family, celebrities and the news, what's not to get? Simple eh? I also use Instagram and POF, the worst dating site in the world but it's free, so I can't be too pissed off with it.
Over the years the internet has helped me find women, hats off to Twitter to finding La fille celebre and giving me that bizarre experience, thanks to POF for meeting some genuinely nice people (and a total tosspiece, she'll get her own post soon) and the others have also done their bit. Some of these women have stayed in my life and I still talk to today, some were just one night and that was it but is it a sound way of meeting women? I speak to the girls at work about my love life, they're all married or all in serious relationships and they think it's a bit odd that I find women to date online through Twitter, POF etc and in some ways, they're right to think that. I haven't met that person in real life, they could be lying couldn't they? About their appearance, their employment, their home, their state of mind, anything and everything. Mostly though, people don't because there is no point. The great thing about the internet is that people can find whatever they want, there really is something for everything, whatever excites you and gives you thrills in life can be found online in a person. People don't have the face to face judgement when it comes to the internet. People are also more open to share their feelings, I wouldn't stand up on a podium in front of thousands of people and read these posts out but I'm more than comfortable to sit here, write them and hope people find them.
I follow a lot of women on Twitter and Instagram, most of them I don't know and I will never know in the real world. Most of the time I follow them because A) They're fit B) They post naked pictures of themselves or C) They're actually interesting to follow and talk to. It's normally the women that are interesting which stick in your mind and that you enjoy following on Instagram or Twitter, The A women are 50/50, B are normally idiots and 99% of them get unfollowed in a week. The C women in my eyes are better than the women I already know in my life, I'm sure I see nothing but low quality women in the towns down my neck of the woods and it's a total drag. People are always saying to me I need to meet a nice woman, but where exactly am I going to meet them? I'm not the most gorgeous man so when I find a wonderful woman, I have to grab the chance with both hands but around here, it seems like they're all taken or they've done the clever thing and got out of here which leaves me with a load of women I wouldn't go anywhere near let alone settle with. Twitter and Instagram gives me the opportunity to talk to women that I find attractive and interesting to talk to about all manners of subjects. It makes being single a much easier experience, at least I know further out of this neck of the woods, there is hope and I could end up with a total stunner. 
There are three women on Twitter who I'd seriously chew my own nose off to have a chance with and I think that they're all totally attainable given if the circumstances were different, this being I lived anywhere fucking near them. I see these women pop up on my timelines daily so naturally I catch myself thinking about them, what their mannerisms are like in real life, what we would be like together, what they sound like when they muttered words softly from their perfectly formed lips, what they looked liked in my arms post sex, when they were happy with their day, when they were sad because something hadn't gone their way and the look at when I made them happy. I have no idea if these women know that I think about them often and that I totally fancy the pants off them, I'm not sure if they'd like it if they knew that I felt this way about them but I'd like to think they'd be flattered. When people online say nice things about me, it makes me feel loved, just like it would do in the real world, I suppose I see the real and online worlds as one, just wish I could make the online world physical sometimes so I had more choice of women because I feel like there is a better choice for me there. I have more confidence in talking to attractive women online then I do in a club, bar, pub (being drunk helps talking to any female) or wherever else you meet women and I'm sure I'm not the only one, I presume most people have done it who are avid social network users, over half a billion people have Facebook which means a few of them must have felt like I do and how many would a few be out of half a billion people? A million? A hundred million? So now does it sound odd finding people online attractive and wanting to date someone you've never physically met?