2012

So the year is nearly over, sad really, it's been pretty enjoyable. All my goals I set myself have been achieved and I'm on course for next year too. This blog isn't about that though, this blog is about sex, love, lust etc etc etc. Shall we have the summary?
Well of course there was the famous tart off the television with her deceiving ways, basically a lying bitch who was so fame hungry, not really relationship material. My friend put it in great context when I was upset about her. He said "You got talking to her on twitter, she's one of the hottest ones, you met her, you fucked her, why are you complaining?" and that is exactly how I look back at it now, she was hot and out of my league on a social and physical basis yet I fucked her, all's well I suppose.
Then we had that girl who I would have as a girlfriend. We were meant to be seeing each other before Christmas, even got her a present but of course, she cancelled...twice. It's things like this is the reason why I don't trust women, seriously with all the cancellations I might as well not bother dating and it gets like that very often. I really liked this girl, she made me laugh and I was so comfortable with her, I could tell her anything but she obviously didn't feel the same about me. I text her on Boxing Day telling her how she made me feel, she gave me some pathetic response saying she was ill which can't have been that bad, she was out Friday and Saturday night. She's just another slut who needs to realise that good men don't come along too often.
So who else have we had? Oh yeah, the local 18 year old. Now, this girl, she'll need a name...errrrm Sex on the Beach? There we go, she's called that now. She's proper fit, stereotypically fit. She's a bit of a chav but seriously, one of the most gorgeous faces I've ever seen and a body to die for, very busty, nice. We were seeing each other over the summer, nice weather so we'd pretty much hang out down the beach, talking, sharing stories, kind of things you do. It was funny because I've known this girl for three years or so and she was a proper nightmare when she was younger, being 15 and turning up at parties wasted, her poor mum. She used to mix with some terrible people which she had ditched by the time we actually had a conversation (July 2012) and I discovered that she was actually a sweet, caring person with a good sense of humour which was such a pleasant surprise. Our dating cycle just fizzled out I suppose, she's unemployed so that limits many things that we can do, I suppose it was a bit of summer fun and we had a good time, there's certainly no hard feelings there and get still get on, I do think about meeting up with her again for a 'catch up' because she was fucking great at that, one of my top ten I'd safely say. I'll make that top ten blog another day.
Last but not least of course is my MILF. That's what she is, a MILF. She's 38 and has a 20 year old daughter. She's a redhead with fake breasts. That's all I'm saying. I met her out in my town one night and we fucked. We got talking a couple of months later and over the last two months, we've fucked every so often. She's good, there's no doubt about that. I'm not ageist or anything but seriously, older women know what they want. 18-21 year olds on a large scale don't have a fucking clue what to do in bed, that's why MILF appeals. Her main problem is that she sends some weird texts when she's drunk and obviously gets a bit emotional. I feel bad because she is a wonderful woman and she deserves to be loved by someone who will take care of her. I'm really not that man and I want to stop it. I did turn her down Christmas Day so I suppose I'm on course.
Right, they're the main women of 2012, the TV whore, the lying whore, the sweet 18 year who fucks like a porn star and the MILF who fucks like a porn star. There are others of course but I'll give you a short and sweet summary.
Gig girl - Met her at a gig, she was staying at the same hotel, we fucked a couple of times. She asked for my number which I replied with "Look, it's not like we're gonna see each other again but you can follow me on twitter if you like?" and she did.
Ex-colleague - Used to work with this woman, she moved away but ended up moving back as she broke up with her partner of six years. We met up through a mutual friend, all got a bit drunk and ended up having sex. She wanted me to stay and spoon her but I rejected and left. I told my boss about this and they said I was heartless. Okay, maybe I was a tad harsh but I'm selfish and I wanted to go home, I didn't want an awkward morning, I was this woman's boss!
Pub girl - Met this girl in our local, funny, never meet girls in there. I think she did the typical "Oh I love your glasses" which I get everywhere. We had a kiss and exchanged numbers. A week later we bumped into each other out, she came back to mine, we fucked and then she left, without a thank you or anything! What a tart, she totally used me! I wasn't that bothered, I was using her like I do with pretty much most women I fuck. Funny thing about this was I saw her a couple of times after, when I was running or in the pub and she'd ignore me. Then one night, out and about in town, I see her but ignore her. A few minutes later she texts me saying "Nice to be said hello to ;)" SERIOUSLY! This girl had ignored me every time I saw her and now she's having a go because I ignored her. Women eh? Anyway we did have a chat but that was the end of it. My friend told me her Dad is some psychotic ex-copper which would probably chase me around with a plank of wood with a nail in it. I've seen him, I can imagine him doing exactly that.
Berlin - Finally, there is Berlin. She is called this due to the fact she'd booked a weekend city break to Berlin. She was a lovely girl, a little older than me. Met her on POF, very sweet but also very regular. She seemed very interested in my love life and my history. I give off the impression that I'm bitter and not a fan of many people which is largely true, she seemed to love this. I went to visit, we had a nice evening, drank wine, talked (mainly me talking) and then she seduced me which was more fun than I thought it would be. She got upset with me because I led her on, I don't see how, I just flirted like I normally do but there we go, in her eyes I did and for that I apologised. I did say I didn't want anything more and I still don't, not with anyone. She needs someone sensible and reliable, she's that kind of woman, basically not my type.
Of course there's been others I have been texting etc which nothing has came about due to distance, effort or I've pissed them off, example @zoo woman who seems to have been hurt a lot, I think I want to save her, I think she's misunderstood and I want to help her, if she wants it of course, she's one of my three twitter crushes in fact, but don't tell her yeah? Then there's the usual people I've found on twitter which have made my days go by quicker in some way or another, thank you I suppose.
So there you have it, 2012 in women. I didn't think any of that would happen but it did and even though nothing came of any of them, I've enjoyed them all but I can't say I've learnt too much from them all I'm afraid. Hopefully next year it'll all be different, maybe I'll fall in love and have an adult relationship, maybe The One will turn up and I'll tell her to do one, maybe one of my twitter crushes will reveal her undying love for me and ask to run away with me to South Korea? Either way, I'm sure 2013 will be eventful regarding my love life and of course, I'll keep you posted.

Mon patron.

After four boring days of work, I finally have a day off tomorrow. Fair enough I won't be doing too much exciting, no, actually, I'm going for a couple of drinks in the evening in my small town, could be fun, I'll let you know of any juicy gossip of course but other than that it's due to be reasonably quiet which I don't mind, I can wrap some presents and get into the Christmas spirit, I'm a massive fan of Christmas (currently listening to 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day') and I can't wait until I finish work for the festive season. Back to the serious nature (ha) of the blog, I was having a little bit of a heated discussion with my boss today who doesn't like the way I live my life and endlessly talk about it, regarding my sex life of course.

Now I work entirely with women who all have partners or husbands, they all have quite regular lives and not a lot to talk about of any interest, they discuss The X-Factor and which celebrity is trying to grab the most attention this week in Heat. When I have a story to tell them, they love it because it makes them laugh. This isn't why I do it but I do enjoy telling the story and it makes the working day go by easier, my job isn't very exciting and having a laugh with my collegues keeps me sane but my boss looks down on me because I casually date women, some I like, some I'm scared of, some I don't respect which okay, fair enough, you should respect women but not all girls give men respect, far from it. Some women are just so vile and disgusting I wouldn't give them the time of day, honestly it seems like women are locked in a constant battle to try and humiliate men as much as possible and they know how to do it. She made out that all women are princess' who don't have casual sex which we all know is total shit, women like casual sex, they also like playing games, leading men on and cheating which isn't a big deal or a shock because men are like it also. This really got on my nerves, massively. She also didn't believe that I slept with women! I think she sees me as some kind of frigid geek who makes up stories about women I've dated or had encounters with to make people like me. I can be called many things but I'm NOT a liar! I don't understand the point in lying about your sex life, people would find out that you hadn't fucked the person in question. I don't want to live some fantasy life I tell people, I want the stories I share to be the truth. I just think she's old fashioned and that she hasn't met anyone like me before. I said that I'm a good person who has been in love before and been screwed over and that's why I take this approach which only seemed to make it worse for her. She was really disgusted with me after this conversation and I surely won't be sharing any of my wonderful stories with her again. Works both ways, if I get a girlfriend, she can't ever meet her, I won't even mutter a word. Actually, I think if she mentions her husband, I'll just walk away, it disgusts me that she can have a lowly view on my love life yet hers is perfect because she met the man of her life at 25 and is now married and that's what I should've done, sorry, life doesn't have the same path for everyone!

I was with my best friend last night who had a long distance relationship last year. She didn't want him to meet our group of friends because we're like this, we have sex with people and quite often become friends with them, her man couldn't get his head round this fact and she didn't want to make matters worse by introducing him to us, probably a good thing anyway, most of my friends are dickheads and I'm not proud of them but you get the idea, we're not normal and I'm okay with that. I just wish sometimes could be more open minded. I'm not in the right headspace to have a relationship, I'm scared of it failing, getting my heart ripped out and looking like a total wanker. No thanks, I'd rather have casual dates every so often and focus on what I need to do in my life. Once that's done then I can worry about being destroyed by a woman.

Dernière nuit.

OK, I'm hungover, I mean, really hungover. Last night was just like the old days, didn't even expect it. I'll explain the events of the last 18 hours.
I started at my friends, pre drinking on vodka, had a cheeky spliff, loads of decent people from days gone by, some new friends made also, started out really well, lots of good music, proper decent pre drinks. Got a taxi into town, got out the cab, lit my cigarette and wandered out into filth but before I get in anywhere I get in the way of a mini, they stop before hitting me, I held both my hands up in a 'sorry but I'm a bit pissed' kind of way and guess who I see in the passenger seat? 'The One.' I looked straight into her eyes right after I took my hands down, I didn't smile, I just carried on like I hadn't seen her but then my friend shouts "Oi ____ it's _____ in that car!" That didn't help matters, everyone then asked me who she is and I explain that it's my ex girlfriend from nearly four years ago who I still daydream about her failing and regretting leaving me, sometimes I don't even think I like her at all, so why try and impress her? I want her to feel like I did when she screwed me right over. 
The night didn't get much weirder than that, I spent a lot of money, danced with girls but to be honest there was only one I spoke to and I'm pretty sure I know her from POF but she wasn't interested in me in the slightest which did piss me off, she wasn't gorgeous but she was certainly worth a go, not a fan of rejection, it's shit. 
We got back to my mates where they were carrying on but I couldn't deal with that, I needed to sleep, I wanted a bed, I got with zero women all night, spent a ridiculous amount of hard earnings and to top it off I only went and messaged 'The One' didn't I? Why doesn't a phone have some kind of app where if you're pissed, it saves the text message/picture message/facebook or whatever it is you've decided would be appropriate to send, thus saving you embarrassing yourself and looking like a total dickhead who in my case, only contacts people for pretty much one thing at that time of night. Any guesses? I ended up staying at my friends, we got a taxi back to hers and literally crashed out. 
In the morning, I woke up spooning my friend in her pants. We start to have sex. It was wrong, we're such good friends and even though we had sex years ago, it's something these days that just doesn't even get considered. She's an attractive girl but even in all the possible alternative realities, never would we be together, it's just not happening. We stop, well, I stop by saying "This is horrible and weird." which she laughs loudly at. We stop and fall back asleep.
We manage to get up, be usual friends, get dressed and drive to McDonalds in which the staff forgot about my order and tried to make it up with a free dessert which I decline seeing as I'm such a nice customer, they'd probably been out last night also, don't want to make their day worse.
I got home about an hour ago, I decide to delete the message I sent 'The One' but I get there and she's blocked me on Facebook. It's just insane how someone who at a point in your life knew you better than anyone can today be so cold towards you, it's not as if she smiled when she saw me, it's not like I smiled either though. I'm relieved she's blocked me, it's unlikely that I'll see her about and I don't really want to see what she's up to. I'm happy with my life now, everything is going really well, the studying I mean, the saving pounds and general happiness, I would hate it if she came in now and ruined it all, that woman hasn't been near me in two years and everything has been great, don't need it, don't want it. Stupid bitch.

Le week-end

Ok so the weekend is nearly here which is good news for many folk, I hope you all have a good one. I'm particularly looking forward to mine because for the first time since July, I am going to have myself a party on Saturday, seriously, it's been too long! Last time I properly went out was beginning of September and that was a Friday night, nothing compared to a Saturday night out. I'm so content with the happenings in my life these days but sometimes I have this massive urge to get back into my old ways and have a proper party night, full of drinks and trying to pull women, nothing beats pulling a good looking piece of woman on a Saturday night, I really hope I do! My fuckbuddy situation has gone quiet (I'll post about that soon) and I'm a tad bored of that situation. There's some great people up for Saturday night which should make it a good one, remember, it's not where you are, it's the company you keep and these folk are total legends! I'm going to spend a lot of cash and get proper on it like a man in my position should do. I will obviously report on here about my night of debauchery and madness, hopefully it'll be like the old days, just have to wait and find out don't we?

'The One'

I text my old work colleague today to see how they were getting on and they're obviously fantastic, she's a good girl so good for her. Listen to this, she's only ever kissed seven men, done stuff with six of them and slept with five of them, feel sorry for the man who only got a snog don't you? Anyway it turns out she works with the mother of 'The One' which she obviously had to tell me. Now, it got me thinking about her quite a bit, I still have her Facebook and even though we haven't spoke in about two years, it made me have the urge to message her to see how she was. Her profile picture has changed and it's not got him in it anymore, maybe they've broke up or they're going through a bad patch, whatever it is surely I shouldn't contact her, should I? I mean, she knows where I am, if she ever wants to hunt me down then she can, I wouldn't put it past her. I think I'd like to see her again, she was a great laugh and not many women have ever made me feel like she has. It's a hard one and I'm going to have to think about it, might write a message but not send it, am I being an idiot?

L'amour sur l'Internet.

I'm a big fan of the internet. I really am, I use the internet for shopping, banking, news, sport and the prime use is staying in touch with friends through social media (avid Tweeter) and of course, making new ones. I've been from Faceparty to MySpace to Facebook and now to Twitter for which I'm a massive fan of, I explain it to people and they say "I don't get it." There's not much to get so here's a quick lesson - you post a tweet of your opinion on anything, news, sport, chickens, Ben Stiller, whatever you like and people that follow you read it. They can retweet this onto their timeline so their followers read it. You can follow people which tweet the things which matter to you so you can keep up to date with friends, family, celebrities and the news, what's not to get? Simple eh? I also use Instagram and POF, the worst dating site in the world but it's free, so I can't be too pissed off with it.
Over the years the internet has helped me find women, hats off to Twitter to finding La fille celebre and giving me that bizarre experience, thanks to POF for meeting some genuinely nice people (and a total tosspiece, she'll get her own post soon) and the others have also done their bit. Some of these women have stayed in my life and I still talk to today, some were just one night and that was it but is it a sound way of meeting women? I speak to the girls at work about my love life, they're all married or all in serious relationships and they think it's a bit odd that I find women to date online through Twitter, POF etc and in some ways, they're right to think that. I haven't met that person in real life, they could be lying couldn't they? About their appearance, their employment, their home, their state of mind, anything and everything. Mostly though, people don't because there is no point. The great thing about the internet is that people can find whatever they want, there really is something for everything, whatever excites you and gives you thrills in life can be found online in a person. People don't have the face to face judgement when it comes to the internet. People are also more open to share their feelings, I wouldn't stand up on a podium in front of thousands of people and read these posts out but I'm more than comfortable to sit here, write them and hope people find them.
I follow a lot of women on Twitter and Instagram, most of them I don't know and I will never know in the real world. Most of the time I follow them because A) They're fit B) They post naked pictures of themselves or C) They're actually interesting to follow and talk to. It's normally the women that are interesting which stick in your mind and that you enjoy following on Instagram or Twitter, The A women are 50/50, B are normally idiots and 99% of them get unfollowed in a week. The C women in my eyes are better than the women I already know in my life, I'm sure I see nothing but low quality women in the towns down my neck of the woods and it's a total drag. People are always saying to me I need to meet a nice woman, but where exactly am I going to meet them? I'm not the most gorgeous man so when I find a wonderful woman, I have to grab the chance with both hands but around here, it seems like they're all taken or they've done the clever thing and got out of here which leaves me with a load of women I wouldn't go anywhere near let alone settle with. Twitter and Instagram gives me the opportunity to talk to women that I find attractive and interesting to talk to about all manners of subjects. It makes being single a much easier experience, at least I know further out of this neck of the woods, there is hope and I could end up with a total stunner. 
There are three women on Twitter who I'd seriously chew my own nose off to have a chance with and I think that they're all totally attainable given if the circumstances were different, this being I lived anywhere fucking near them. I see these women pop up on my timelines daily so naturally I catch myself thinking about them, what their mannerisms are like in real life, what we would be like together, what they sound like when they muttered words softly from their perfectly formed lips, what they looked liked in my arms post sex, when they were happy with their day, when they were sad because something hadn't gone their way and the look at when I made them happy. I have no idea if these women know that I think about them often and that I totally fancy the pants off them, I'm not sure if they'd like it if they knew that I felt this way about them but I'd like to think they'd be flattered. When people online say nice things about me, it makes me feel loved, just like it would do in the real world, I suppose I see the real and online worlds as one, just wish I could make the online world physical sometimes so I had more choice of women because I feel like there is a better choice for me there. I have more confidence in talking to attractive women online then I do in a club, bar, pub (being drunk helps talking to any female) or wherever else you meet women and I'm sure I'm not the only one, I presume most people have done it who are avid social network users, over half a billion people have Facebook which means a few of them must have felt like I do and how many would a few be out of half a billion people? A million? A hundred million? So now does it sound odd finding people online attractive and wanting to date someone you've never physically met?

Mon choix.

I hope you're all enjoying the blog, I'm enjoying writing it. I think I'm going to keep it exclusively to dating, women, sex and all things related, much more fun isn't it?

Today I finally have a day off from my constant cycle of work and study which is a relief, I normally go running in the morning but not today, I wanted to sleep in. I did some studying this morning but the afternoon would be dedicated away from that. So what do I do? I'll blog, that's what I do. Expect a few posts.

Earlier I was thinking about women, OK, I'm lying; I'm always thinking about women. It's not my fault and I don't think you can judge me, I'm being honest. I think about having sex on a very regular basis, I also think about meeting women, spending time with them, making them smile, disappointing them, arousing them, everything, all emotions thrown in there. I presume it isn't only me which makes up future scenarios in their head right? The one's where your realistic dreams are realised and that life toddles along perfectly, they're great, it's those kind of thoughts which really get you through a long day at work. There's always a dream woman in them, the one that finally calms me down and doesn't make my mind wander off thinking about other women, wishing that I could fuck them etc. I don't want to feel like that, I don't want a mix between the two, I either want to have the casual dating life where my mind can wander wherever it wants without having any guilt or to find that woman in the daydreams which is 100% my focus, my love, my lust and my happiness and no longer have wandering thoughts, that's unlikely, right?

Since The 'One' decided that leading me on was stupid and our messed up situation ended, I've only met two women who I would want to be my 100% focus. One of course was La fille celebre who as we know was never going to happen. Looking back on it, I think it would've been an awful relationship to have, one where I would've had to give everything without getting anything back. A lot of beautiful, stuck up women are like that, there seems to be this idea these days that women are quite happy to be a bimbo, bitchy wife-type who sits around waiting for a rich man to come in their life. Honestly, if I was loaded or not, I wouldn't want some silly tart spending the money I had earned on some overpriced items of her choice, I'd want a woman with a career and goals, or at least a full time role where she was happy with what she was doing, I wouldn't expect a woman to buy me everything I desired. Men and women are equal now, it's not the 50's anymore, women have every entitlement that men have in today's society, so bloody make the most of it, don't be a lazy, nagging, money grabbing bitch, probably half the reason men in these type of marriages have affairs, the men who settle down with these kind of women are idiots, just because they look like a television whore, it doesn't mean they are one, not that I'm saying television whores are great role models or anything, I mean, look at Tulisa, would you marry someone of that calibre? Didn't think so.

The only other woman on this list is not exactly the most gorgeous woman I've ever dated (she is sexy of course and she looks amazing naked) but she has her life sorted, she is settled with a home and a car, she's of a perfect age compared to mine, we have a lot in common but the best thing is that she makes me laugh, I love a woman who makes me laugh. Note to women - there's no point being a stuck up miserable bitch who's afraid of not looking 100% all the time and thinking they're God's gift because men think you're an idiot, men like a laugh, we enjoy women being stupid with us, mucking around and generally being a good laugh. When we see each other, I always have a good time even though we never really do much, we'll cook, watch DVD's, catch up on our lives, tell stories about the weirdo's that we know. The bottom line is that when I'm with her, she makes me happier than anyone else I've seen since The 'One.' She's a fantastic girl and someone who I could have a proper, no hassle but exciting relationship with. 

If I wanted to have to have a relationship with anyone, then this woman is that person but do I want a relationship with anyone? That's the first hurdle, I don't know if the Pro's are worth the Con's. It's nice seeing her every so often, having a fun, cosy evening, a good spooning and a good night of sex but I have a lot to happen soon, I want to escape here as soon as I'm able to. This will get in the way until I've escaped, unless I don't escape and stay here but then what if we got together, broke up in two years then I become delirious, crushed and I resent her because I didn't escape here and follow the big dream? Secondly I don't even know how she feels about me, we've had sex, we've flirted, we've had good times but maybe she's like that with everyone and I just take things like that a bit too seriously, it's hard isn't it? I wouldn't want to put myself on the line and then be shot down, I don't take to rejection well, I'd feel as if there's something personally wrong with me, for example, The 'One' making me question my masculinity, that killed me inside, she made me feel that I couldn't make any woman happy and content with me. Yeah, I'm still not over that one and I don't think I will be until I find that woman which I adore and is content with me and what I do for her.

I think it's best if I stay single and in the casual dating frame of mind for now, until the escaping situation is sorted, that's the main goal and I have to keep going for it because at the end of the day, women don't help me study and they certainly don't help me earn money.

La fille que j'avais trouvé dans la rue.

Summer 2010, living in the party house, I was seeing someone casually (they thought a lot more of me, I liked them too but we had a lot of miles between us so I wasn't hoping for much) and I was making the most of a evening, so I was out on the town with friends. I was being my usual flirtatious self, trying to charm any woman I could. Frankly I don't see the point in going out clubbing if you're not going to try and pull some women, it's something I rarely do these days because I have more important things to worry about but I still love it and I'll be back on the case very soon, don't you worry.
Some nights you have it, you meet someone totally new, manage to take them home, have a night of drunken sex and then part on good terms with another phone number, and fuck a few more times, that's the perfect scenario. Some nights you meet someone you've fucked before and you manage to get another round of drunken sex out of them however this isn't the preferred outcome of the evening as you've fucked them before, it's a hollow victory. Some nights, probably the most common outcome, you end up alone. Being totally wankered normally doesn't help, how annoying are people when they're totally wasted and you're nowhere near that level? Think about it. This night, I was walking home alone even though I found a girl, got a kiss and a phone number. Surprising really, at one point in the evening I asked her to put her hands out and close her eyes, when she opened them, my dick was in her hands and I directed these words to her - "Would you like this inside you?" What a charmer eh? Actually, I ended up fucking her the next evening, and all weekend before she pissed me off, her dress sense was awful and she got annoyed because I wanted to watch Match of the Day, frankly by this point I didn't give a fuck what she thought so I happily watched the football while she banged on about some shit band she adored.
So I had to leave the woman who held my dick in the smoking area and instead walk home alone, smashed and probably singing something or other, like you do. About half way home, I found a group of teenagers, 18-19 years old, consisting of a couple arguing about something or other and a girl standing there, watching. She had dark hair and a good figure, busty, size 10, what I predominately go for. I can't remember what words were exchanged in our conversation but somehow, I had managed to convince this girl to come back to my house. I don't remember anything bad happening during the sex so it must've been OK. She had both her nipples pierced, perfectly pert breasts, she rode my dick like she had been dying to release herself on me and I came in her mouth, good girl in my opinion. We fall asleep. End of. That's all I remember.
I waoke up the next morning in total hangover mode and there was some naked 18 year old girl in my bed, I had no idea who she was or how she got in my bed. I woke her up where she told me where I found her, how I convinced to come to my house for a party (a naked party in my room it seems) and that she left her friends. I asked what she wanted to do now, she replied "I better go and find my friends really." Is that all she had to say? Really? It was seven hours ago I found her, the arguing couple could be anywhere, good luck! She got dressed, I turned away because I'm a gentleman (I always have a sneaky look) and I let her out. I never asked her name, I didn't see the point, wasn't like I was ever going to have another night with her.
For the next few Saturday nights I kept seeing her out! Was she stalking me? Were there powers beyond my control forcing us to be in the same social space? She looked pretty good, I don't know if she ever clocked me and I never let on that I noticed her, what the hell was I meant to say anyway? I couldn't exactly go up to her and say "Hey, do you remember the other week when I found you in the street, took you back to mine, used you for a drunken fuck and didn't even ask what your name was? Well I'm ------ pleased to meet you, thanks for swallowing you naughty thing." No, that would've been too awkward.

Baiser.

I've dated many girls over the last ten years as you've probably noticed if you've read my posts here but I've only had about four years of exclusive relationships combined, so what do you think I did for the rest of the time? I didn't sit around being lonely if that's what you think, I went out and tried to get girls, not necessarily for something meaningful, mostly I just wanted one thing, sex. The one thing that women will always have over men, they have the sex, we want it, they can use it to get what they want out of men, every single one of them possesses this power. A man will do anything to get laid, it's just nature, a man wants to mate with as many females as possible, it's our animal instincts seeping to the surface. This doesn't mean we don't want happily ever after, it just means celibacy is a near impossibility to a male, this definitely applies to myself. I am a big fan of casual sex, there are no ties, it's fresh, exciting, unpredictable and it's an easy way to keep those animal instincts happy. It also keeps my head clear, especially these days where I'm not really in the place to have anything serious, I'm studying a lot, I'm working a lot, I'm saving my money and I don't want my mind to wander from my goals.
Being a casual dater does have it's drawbacks, there a nights few and far between where I share my bed with someone I give a damn about, there's things I have to do alone (I recently went to a European city on my own) and there isn't that one person you can always rely on. I feel however that these cons do not outweigh the pros of the situation that I've been in since The 'One' (see 'Mes copines' post) broke my heart in Summer 2009. My favourite thing is the stories that I have acquired from these women, the situations that I've got myself in to have been varied, from total bliss to total embarrassment. The idea of this blog is to mainly share the juicy details, I might touch on other subjects but mainly it's going to be about fucking, screwing, kissing and a little dating. I'm going to post as many of these experiences as possible, not in chronological order, just as they come to me, when I'm bored at work and a girl pops into my head and makes me laugh, I'll remember the facts then let you know here. 

La fille célèbre.

You're getting the idea now, I'm posting mainly about dating, I hope my terrible experiences can aid you in your own love lives, if not then I hope mine make you laugh at least. Until I go on another date, you're stuck with my past experiences for now. This one though is something which I would've never dreamt in a million years. This was six weeks of love and loss. You ready?

In February 2012 I become addicted to a very popular television show, it's total trash Saturday night television which isn't really my thing but I can't help having a guilty pleasure from time to time. Being an avid Twitter user, I follow some of the people in this show, a couple for some reason follow me but one in particular takes a interest in me. I reply to a tweet they posted with something sarcastically which they reply honestly and brutally. A few minutes later, she's following me and starts talking to me, taking an interest. We talk for about an hour before she gives me her private Facebook account and we talk on there, all day. Before I go to bed I take a risk and give her my phone number, why not? I give everyone my phone number. One thing you must understand about me, I'm a hermit, I don't have many friends (through choice) in the real world but through Twitter, I make friends, I'd rather talk to them than most of the people I know. She texts me! Mad! A girl who is watched by millions every weekend, who my friends (the handful) say is gorgeous, has just text me! A few days later we speak on the phone, we talk for nearly four hours, we discuss music we like, the show, my life, my studies, her son and other subjects in between. I decided that I wanted to meet this woman, I had fallen for someone on the television every Saturday night and I wanted her in my life.
She suggests to me that she wants to meet me. She lived in the midlands and I agree to meet her in Birmingham, a mission for me but I'm very keen, she's gorgeous, she makes me laugh and she's famous, I had to do it, I had to impress her, I had to take this opportunity, even if it was a disaster, at least I tried, you have to take every chance of happiness. I meet her at Birmingham New Street and we instantly click, we kiss so passionately, I hold her face softly and tell her how beautiful she looks, she smiles and holds me. We visit the art museum, it's like something out of a romantic novel, we're together, acting like a couple in love looking at beautiful pieces of art. We go shopping in The Bullring where she gets recognized by some lads, that was a really strange feeling, for your date to be recognized because she was on television. She helps me pick out clothes and suggests a top because in her words "It has a little football man on it, you love football, it was made for you!" We end up in Chinatown, we get dinner and decide we want to see each other again, she invites me to stay with her the following weekend. Ten days can't come soon enough.
In the meantime we speak at every second possible, we can't stop talking, about the upcoming weekend and our romantic, wonderful day together. As a little surprise, I arrange to get some flowers sent to her. When she gets them she rings me saying how wonderful I am, she tweets a picture of them and they were beautiful. The lady in the florists did me proud, only the second time I had ever sent flowers but the first time to be a success! I sent her two private YouTube messages showing her my appreciation for her, it was romantic and sweet, she loved them anyway. I thought I was in love, maybe I was but more than likely, I was going to end up looking like a mug.
The day comes, an hour on the train, followed by a four hour coach, followed by an hours train and I'm there. I'm at her house with her, she answers the door looking as beautiful as ever, perfect make up, long dark hair and dressed impeccably. She introduces me to her son who takes an instant liking to me. She has to take her son out to see his Dad and I'm left alone for two hours, luckily I took some coursework with me to keep me occupied. I get that done in an hour, so what now? I decided to let my curiosity get the better of me and look around her house. Her home was a little palace, the place was immaculate, antiques and pieces of art all over. I did what no man should do and look in a ladies bedroom. Now, I was staying the night, I was going to see it later on anyway. I opened the door expecting the most beautiful bedroom and, well, I was shocked. There were clothes, make up and hair extensions everywhere. It looked like Amy Child's bedroom had a bomb go off in it, it was filthy or dirty, it was just a total mess. I rung my friend and she thought it was hilarious. She returned soon afterwards, obviously I didn't say anything but I really wanted to, I wanted to offer to help her clean it but I thought it was best to keep my mouth shut, she was obviously embarrassed about it, I was curious to see what happened when it was bedtime.
We have dinner, we watch her show (she gets over 150 notifications on Twitter) and we have a lot of sex but it's not sex, it's passionate, it's not dirty, it's full of love, looking deep into each others eyes, holding her close, telling her how amazing and beautiful she is. We fall asleep together on the sofa and stay there all night. She says in the morning that her bedroom is being decorated so we couldn't stay there, what a liar eh? Just tell the truth, I'd understand, I already knew anyway so it didn't matter. 
The following day is, well, boring. We sit there, I make her breakfast and we watch 'The IT Crowd' until it's my time to go. She literally loses all her energy, it's like she can't be bothered anymore. I found this particularly odd, I was so happy to be there with her, I didn't care that we weren't doing something amazing, I just wanted to be spending time with her. I leave in some kind of forced romantic moment, from her part anyway and I go, that's it. The weekend is over and I'm heading home. I sit on the coach reflecting on the weekend, what happened? Why do I feel low? Why was the second day a drag? She had either used me for what she wanted or that I wasn't what she expected of me but that couldn't be it, we had already spent one of the most romantic days I'd ever had with someone together, it was confusing.
About three days after the weekend, the calls dried up, the texts dried up, the tweets dried up - I was well and truly dumped but obviously, a man doesn't want to think this so what did I do, I rung her, I text her, I tweeted her, no reply. This really got to me, all I could think about was this girl, this girl who I had fallen madly for, who I stuck up for (people called her a talentless bitch, they weren't far wrong but they didn't have the pleasure of seeing what she was like in bed) who I wanted to treasure, look after and care for, why was she doing this? I tried everything but I got nothing back. I didn't look at my Twitter for days in fear of reading something I didn't want to read. This had gone far enough so in the end I sent her a video message saying if she wanted to talk to me then I was here. I heard nothing, I was devastated. OK, I realise that I went a bit mental but seriously, this is what annoyed me, if she didn't want to talk to me again, she could've said, she didn't have to ignore me and make me feel like a pathetic stalker but she did and for that I hate her, I thought she had the potential to be different but she wasn't, she was like most of the women I've fallen for, a total heartbreaking bitch.
Two weeks later, she tweets me asking why I haven't spoke to her, is she mad? I ring her, she doesn't pick up. She texts me right away asking me not to call because I'm angry with her. I ring again and she picks up. She says that she didn't like our distance and that she couldn't go on and she's sorry. I don't accept her apology but I explain that she should've told me sooner, I'm a reasonable guy and I can take getting dumped, it's happened often enough to me anyway.
Soon turns out that she's been shagging some photographer all along. She stated that they were friends but obviously they were more than friends, fucking bitch eh? OK, we were never official but to me, there was a deep connection, love and respect for each other, I opened up to her, I showed my honest self and she betrayed that, she could've been lying about everything else and it made me furious. I sent her an essay of a text message saying I've discovered about her and the photographer and that I had worked it out for myself. She texts me saying how horrible I was and how badly I treated her! Really? What a fucking joke! I couldn't believe it. I deleted everything, the pictures, the texts, the videos, I blocked her on Facebook and Twitter and we never spoke again, sad it ended badly but it wasn't my fault that she wasn't a nice person. In a way, I don't blame her too much, I mean, she was on television, I'd probably let it get to my head also.

So there you have it. That was my Twitter romance with the dark haired, petite goth lady from Saturday night television. I have no idea what she's doing now, if she's still shagging the photographer or if she wants the clothes she bought me back, I kind of hope she's having a miserable existence but I bet she's happy somewhere with her hermit lifestyle and her extremely untidy room that I was once willing to help tidy, bet no other man she's met since would've offered her that.