You're getting the idea now, I'm posting mainly about dating, I hope my terrible experiences can aid you in your own love lives, if not then I hope mine make you laugh at least. Until I go on another date, you're stuck with my past experiences for now. This one though is something which I would've never dreamt in a million years. This was six weeks of love and loss. You ready?
In February 2012 I become addicted to a very popular television show, it's total trash Saturday night television which isn't really my thing but I can't help having a guilty pleasure from time to time. Being an avid Twitter user, I follow some of the people in this show, a couple for some reason follow me but one in particular takes a interest in me. I reply to a tweet they posted with something sarcastically which they reply honestly and brutally. A few minutes later, she's following me and starts talking to me, taking an interest. We talk for about an hour before she gives me her private Facebook account and we talk on there, all day. Before I go to bed I take a risk and give her my phone number, why not? I give everyone my phone number. One thing you must understand about me, I'm a hermit, I don't have many friends (through choice) in the real world but through Twitter, I make friends, I'd rather talk to them than most of the people I know. She texts me! Mad! A girl who is watched by millions every weekend, who my friends (the handful) say is gorgeous, has just text me! A few days later we speak on the phone, we talk for nearly four hours, we discuss music we like, the show, my life, my studies, her son and other subjects in between. I decided that I wanted to meet this woman, I had fallen for someone on the television every Saturday night and I wanted her in my life.
She suggests to me that she wants to meet me. She lived in the midlands and I agree to meet her in Birmingham, a mission for me but I'm very keen, she's gorgeous, she makes me laugh and she's famous, I had to do it, I had to impress her, I had to take this opportunity, even if it was a disaster, at least I tried, you have to take every chance of happiness. I meet her at Birmingham New Street and we instantly click, we kiss so passionately, I hold her face softly and tell her how beautiful she looks, she smiles and holds me. We visit the art museum, it's like something out of a romantic novel, we're together, acting like a couple in love looking at beautiful pieces of art. We go shopping in The Bullring where she gets recognized by some lads, that was a really strange feeling, for your date to be recognized because she was on television. She helps me pick out clothes and suggests a top because in her words "It has a little football man on it, you love football, it was made for you!" We end up in Chinatown, we get dinner and decide we want to see each other again, she invites me to stay with her the following weekend. Ten days can't come soon enough.
In the meantime we speak at every second possible, we can't stop talking, about the upcoming weekend and our romantic, wonderful day together. As a little surprise, I arrange to get some flowers sent to her. When she gets them she rings me saying how wonderful I am, she tweets a picture of them and they were beautiful. The lady in the florists did me proud, only the second time I had ever sent flowers but the first time to be a success! I sent her two private YouTube messages showing her my appreciation for her, it was romantic and sweet, she loved them anyway. I thought I was in love, maybe I was but more than likely, I was going to end up looking like a mug.
The day comes, an hour on the train, followed by a four hour coach, followed by an hours train and I'm there. I'm at her house with her, she answers the door looking as beautiful as ever, perfect make up, long dark hair and dressed impeccably. She introduces me to her son who takes an instant liking to me. She has to take her son out to see his Dad and I'm left alone for two hours, luckily I took some coursework with me to keep me occupied. I get that done in an hour, so what now? I decided to let my curiosity get the better of me and look around her house. Her home was a little palace, the place was immaculate, antiques and pieces of art all over. I did what no man should do and look in a ladies bedroom. Now, I was staying the night, I was going to see it later on anyway. I opened the door expecting the most beautiful bedroom and, well, I was shocked. There were clothes, make up and hair extensions everywhere. It looked like Amy Child's bedroom had a bomb go off in it, it was filthy or dirty, it was just a total mess. I rung my friend and she thought it was hilarious. She returned soon afterwards, obviously I didn't say anything but I really wanted to, I wanted to offer to help her clean it but I thought it was best to keep my mouth shut, she was obviously embarrassed about it, I was curious to see what happened when it was bedtime.
We have dinner, we watch her show (she gets over 150 notifications on Twitter) and we have a lot of sex but it's not sex, it's passionate, it's not dirty, it's full of love, looking deep into each others eyes, holding her close, telling her how amazing and beautiful she is. We fall asleep together on the sofa and stay there all night. She says in the morning that her bedroom is being decorated so we couldn't stay there, what a liar eh? Just tell the truth, I'd understand, I already knew anyway so it didn't matter.
The following day is, well, boring. We sit there, I make her breakfast and we watch 'The IT Crowd' until it's my time to go. She literally loses all her energy, it's like she can't be bothered anymore. I found this particularly odd, I was so happy to be there with her, I didn't care that we weren't doing something amazing, I just wanted to be spending time with her. I leave in some kind of forced romantic moment, from her part anyway and I go, that's it. The weekend is over and I'm heading home. I sit on the coach reflecting on the weekend, what happened? Why do I feel low? Why was the second day a drag? She had either used me for what she wanted or that I wasn't what she expected of me but that couldn't be it, we had already spent one of the most romantic days I'd ever had with someone together, it was confusing.
About three days after the weekend, the calls dried up, the texts dried up, the tweets dried up - I was well and truly dumped but obviously, a man doesn't want to think this so what did I do, I rung her, I text her, I tweeted her, no reply. This really got to me, all I could think about was this girl, this girl who I had fallen madly for, who I stuck up for (people called her a talentless bitch, they weren't far wrong but they didn't have the pleasure of seeing what she was like in bed) who I wanted to treasure, look after and care for, why was she doing this? I tried everything but I got nothing back. I didn't look at my Twitter for days in fear of reading something I didn't want to read. This had gone far enough so in the end I sent her a video message saying if she wanted to talk to me then I was here. I heard nothing, I was devastated. OK, I realise that I went a bit mental but seriously, this is what annoyed me, if she didn't want to talk to me again, she could've said, she didn't have to ignore me and make me feel like a pathetic stalker but she did and for that I hate her, I thought she had the potential to be different but she wasn't, she was like most of the women I've fallen for, a total heartbreaking bitch.
Two weeks later, she tweets me asking why I haven't spoke to her, is she mad? I ring her, she doesn't pick up. She texts me right away asking me not to call because I'm angry with her. I ring again and she picks up. She says that she didn't like our distance and that she couldn't go on and she's sorry. I don't accept her apology but I explain that she should've told me sooner, I'm a reasonable guy and I can take getting dumped, it's happened often enough to me anyway.
Soon turns out that she's been shagging some photographer all along. She stated that they were friends but obviously they were more than friends, fucking bitch eh? OK, we were never official but to me, there was a deep connection, love and respect for each other, I opened up to her, I showed my honest self and she betrayed that, she could've been lying about everything else and it made me furious. I sent her an essay of a text message saying I've discovered about her and the photographer and that I had worked it out for myself. She texts me saying how horrible I was and how badly I treated her! Really? What a fucking joke! I couldn't believe it. I deleted everything, the pictures, the texts, the videos, I blocked her on Facebook and Twitter and we never spoke again, sad it ended badly but it wasn't my fault that she wasn't a nice person. In a way, I don't blame her too much, I mean, she was on television, I'd probably let it get to my head also.
So there you have it. That was my Twitter romance with the dark haired, petite goth lady from Saturday night television. I have no idea what she's doing now, if she's still shagging the photographer or if she wants the clothes she bought me back, I kind of hope she's having a miserable existence but I bet she's happy somewhere with her hermit lifestyle and her extremely untidy room that I was once willing to help tidy, bet no other man she's met since would've offered her that.